About 5 years ago, I had a lot hit me at once. My parents separated not long after my grandmother died. We were gearing up for a meeting with a pediatrician who we were sure was going to diagnose Danny with autism. Then, my mom was told she had cancer.
It was devastating. Those months were the very hardest of my life. I was completely shaken; my confidence in the world was broken. If all these things could happen at once, I realized, I was no longer safe. Anything bad could happen and I would be powerless to stop it.
Before this, I think I thought that if one bad thing happened, I would probably be safe from another one for a while. Like, if my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I shouldn't also have to deal with autism or my parents' separation.
I still believe this should be true, though I know it's not.
This week, I found out that a bloggy friend's young autistic son was diagnosed with cancer.
Cancer.
The kid is three. And he has autism.
See, in my mind, the fact that he has autism should have protected that family from this sort of terrible, nightmarish tragedy. The autism should have filled that family's quota for mind-numbing, stress-filled, terrifying crises. At least for a while. I know autism isn't necessarily a tragedy to many people, but it does cause much in the way of stress and difficulty.
I know life is not fair, but sometimes it seems so cruel it takes my breath away.
And I just don't think it should be this way.
7 comments:
funny, I to believe in that quota, unfortunately that is not always the case.
I feel the same way. All I night I thought about her and her little boy, and her other children...and it's just.not.fair.
Oh how I wish that quota existed. My life would be so different...
I think that I know who you are talking about (God I hope so...hate to think that there are two families going through this) and it is just so unfair and awful. And when I say "unfair" I think it's because I share the same quota system as you.
Wouldn't quotas be wonderful? I'm sorry about the load you're carrying -- you do beautiful work here.
(I am visiting you from MMB blogfrog)
I've always secretly believed there should be a quota too. Stupid universe keeps proving me wrong.
I am with you there. That is how I felt when we recently found out how bad Jaylen's eyesight is and how much worse it will probably get, on top of his Autism. However, in light of what our other bloggy Autism mama friend is going through, his eyesight seems trivial.
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