Thursday, December 31, 2009

Traveling with kids, Part 2: The Airplane Bathroom and New Year's Resolutions


We have finally made it home, despite the amazing lengths we had to take to get here. It actually took us approximately 26 hours, 30 minutes and 2 seconds to get home once we left my sister-in-law's house. I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say we actually had more stuff than we did when we traveled to Las Vegas.

After traveling in car, bus and train, we boarded the airplane and had a relatively uneventful plane ride.

Until Charlotte needed to use the bathroom.

To say the term "airplane bathroom" is a misnomer is an understatement. "Bath closet" or "toilet niche" would be more accurate. I know of bathrooms that consist entirely of holes in the floor in Hong Kong that are bigger. I don't know about you, but even on a good day, after weeks of working out and dieting, things are extremely tight in the airplane bathroom. And I can guarantee you, no working out and dieting have been accomplished by me since the autumn solstice. Add to that all the amazing treats we partook of on holiday, and I almost asked the stewardess to spread some Crisco on my thighs so I could squeeze in.

So, here I am, almost too wide to fit in the bathroom, and I still have a little girl to get in there. A little girl who really needs to pee. Bad. Because of course, we had had to wait for one of those bathrooms to become available, while the nice first class toilets were all free. Grrrrr.....

I finally get the door closed behind us and get Charlotte on the toilet and I am practically sitting in her lap. She looks up at me and says, "Mommy, give me some privacy!" I can't turn around, so I end up just closing my eyes so my modest girl (who, by the way, has no problem running around in the buff for everyone in town to see) can pee privately.

Next comes my turn to use the facilities. As I am finishing up, I actually zip Charlotte's hair up in my pants, that's how tight the quarters are.

And as soon as I am able to return to my seat, Bil informs me that Tommy needs to be changed. In the airplane bathrooom.

I tried to convince Bil it would be easier for him to do it, as he is thinner than I am, but he didn't bite. Yes, Tommy is pretty small, but it is no small feat to change a wiggly baby's diaper in such cramped quarters. Tommy was kicking so much I actually lost the load from his diaper, if you know what I mean. Yes, I had to go hunting for the poop that spilled out while he kicked and thrashed. And then, while ensuring Tommy doesn't fall off the changing table, I have to clean up the mess. I should have been a gymnast.

So, my New Year's Resolution this year? Well, you may be thinking it would be wise to set a diet and exercise goal. I've tried that before, but it doesn't really seem to work. I mean, sure, dieting and exercise would probably help me lose weight, but then I would actually have to get off the couch and keep the food out of my mouth. That would most certainly take Herculean effort. Besides, how fun would that be?

Instead, I have decided on a solution to the humiliating airplane bathroom dilemma. My resolution is to not fly in an airplane until Charlotte no longer needs assistance in the bathroom and Tommy is out of diapers. That will solve everything!

Check out the Spin Cycle for more New Year's Resolutions.



19 comments:

Ginny Marie said...

I have never changed a diaper in an airplane bathroom, and now I hope I never do! Thank goodness you're home! Happy New Year!

goodfountain said...

Ha. that was hysterical. Those bathrooms are tiny.

Happy New Year!

Sprite's Keeper said...

I love that resolution! Basically, it will keep me out of planes for the next, um, rest of my life! You're linked and Happy New Year, Patty!

Jenni said...

Oh, my, my sides are hurting w/laughter at the though of you zipping your daughter's hair into your jeans! I once peed in an airplane BR while holding onto a 1 y.o., and I though that was bad. But you win, hands down!

Rikki said...

I laughed so hard about zipping up her hair that the dog came out to check on me!

Denise said...

You crack me up! How well I can relate to the bathroom escapades in a plane! Thankfully, MOST of mine can go on their own...and at least they don't need me IN there anymore. One nice flight attendant let me change them on the floor (on a blanket or box) outside the bathroom area. Another undid a box that fit nicely over the toilet and made for a semi nice changing area. Sadly, not ALL flight attendants are so accommodating or nice. Glad you are home!!!!

Mrsbear said...

Patty! Holy cow. I thought the first leg of your trip sounded stressful, the trip home?! The hair in the jeans zipper was too much, superseded then by the poop spillage. If you'd missed a chunk it would've served them right, don't they know actual people have to fit in there, sometimes with children.

Your resolution, of course, solves everything.

And you made it home. At last. Phew.

Happy New Year!

gretchen said...

Ewwww. Airplane bathrooms. I'm not usually too germaphobic, but after a few hours they're so nasty. It's always kind of a "TOUCH NOTHING!!" situation. So not only are you wedged into that tiny space with your kid, but neither of you can touch any surface in the room. Challenging.Thank God for Purell.

Susan said...

Good resolution, and I am guessing you'll be able to keep it :)
Hey at least you got a good blog out of it.
Happy New Year.

Kim said...

Oh my! I know just what you mean about that tiny space. SO hard to take a little one in there and have room for you both. I once changed Meechi's diaper right in his seat on the plane because I didn't want to deal with trying to do it in the bathroom. I just told my older son to "block us" so nobody could see. (oh, I DID use a changing pad so nothing would get on the seat and he was actually just really wet so not as gross as the other option)

I can not imagine having to clean up the dropped mess in the bathroom and keep the baby safe while in that tiny closet! I feel for ya!!!

lonestar said...

Wow, I bet ya'll are glad to be home!

I hate airplane bathrooms, can't imagine trying to fit two people in at the same time, much less do a diaper change. Yikes!

I'm guessing that will be one of the easier resolutions to keep ;). Happy New Year!

Mama Zen said...

Good call!

Amy Jane said...

Patty, Thank you so much for your comments on my blog! I swear, when I go to my blog and see that you've commented, it's like all is right with the world. You know what I mean? I love you and I love your support and kindness and understanding. If I haven't mentioned it lately, I really miss you!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

One of the many reasons I do not fly. The other being the fear of falling out of the sky. . .

You had me laughing on this one...what an adventure. At least you didn't get sucked out through the toilet. That stuff really happens, doesn't it?

bernthis said...

I have a six year old and I still hate to fly. I do it all the time but even I'm starting to not want to any more. It truly is such a huge hassle.

The Caked Crusader said...

I was nodding all the time I read that and I only have to look after me!!!

SweetWICK said...

Love it! Nice blog!

büyü said...

I was nodding all the time I read that and I only have to look after me!!!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post, I’m searching forward to hear a lot more from you!!


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