We have finally made it home, despite the amazing lengths we had to take to get here. It actually took us approximately 26 hours, 30 minutes and 2 seconds to get home once we left my sister-in-law's house. I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say we actually had more stuff than we did when we traveled to Las Vegas.
After traveling in car, bus and train, we boarded the airplane and had a relatively uneventful plane ride.
Until Charlotte needed to use the bathroom.
To say the term "airplane bathroom" is a misnomer is an understatement. "Bath closet" or "toilet niche" would be more accurate. I know of bathrooms that consist entirely of holes in the floor in Hong Kong that are bigger. I don't know about you, but even on a good day, after weeks of working out and dieting, things are extremely tight in the airplane bathroom. And I can guarantee you, no working out and dieting have been accomplished by me since the autumn solstice. Add to that all the amazing treats we partook of on holiday, and I almost asked the stewardess to spread some Crisco on my thighs so I could squeeze in.
So, here I am, almost too wide to fit in the bathroom, and I still have a little girl to get in there. A little girl who really needs to pee. Bad. Because of course, we had had to wait for one of those bathrooms to become available, while the nice first class toilets were all free. Grrrrr.....
I finally get the door closed behind us and get Charlotte on the toilet and I am practically sitting in her lap. She looks up at me and says, "Mommy, give me some privacy!" I can't turn around, so I end up just closing my eyes so my modest girl (who, by the way, has no problem running around in the buff for everyone in town to see) can pee privately.
Next comes my turn to use the facilities. As I am finishing up, I actually zip Charlotte's hair up in my pants, that's how tight the quarters are.
And as soon as I am able to return to my seat, Bil informs me that Tommy needs to be changed. In the airplane bathrooom.
I tried to convince Bil it would be easier for him to do it, as he is thinner than I am, but he didn't bite. Yes, Tommy is pretty small, but it is no small feat to change a wiggly baby's diaper in such cramped quarters. Tommy was kicking so much I actually lost the load from his diaper, if you know what I mean. Yes, I had to go hunting for the poop that spilled out while he kicked and thrashed. And then, while ensuring Tommy doesn't fall off the changing table, I have to clean up the mess. I should have been a gymnast.
So, my New Year's Resolution this year? Well, you may be thinking it would be wise to set a diet and exercise goal. I've tried that before, but it doesn't really seem to work. I mean, sure, dieting and exercise would probably help me lose weight, but then I would actually have to get off the couch and keep the food out of my mouth. That would most certainly take Herculean effort. Besides, how fun would that be?
Instead, I have decided on a solution to the humiliating airplane bathroom dilemma. My resolution is to not fly in an airplane until Charlotte no longer needs assistance in the bathroom and Tommy is out of diapers. That will solve everything!
Check out the Spin Cycle for more New Year's Resolutions.