Thursday, August 27, 2009

my get-rich-quick scheme

OK, so I have had a brilliant idea to make a lot of money. I am not sure if it will work, but it's worth a shot, right?

Remember thet teens who tried to sue McDonald's for making them fat? Well, I am thinking I should be able to sue the company Bil works for because his new shift is making me fat. Think about it: I eat when I am stressed, lonely or bored. I now feel all of those emotions much more regularly in the evenings since Bil is gone all night. What other reason would I have for wanting to make brownies just so I can eat all the batter? It has to be his job and the stress I feel because of it, right? It couldn't have anything to do with my PMS, lack of willpower, and addiction to sugar.

And let's not forget my lack of motivation to prepare healthful dinners now that Bil isn't here to eat them with me. Add to that the exhaustion I feel which makes it exceedingly difficult to get off my duff and exercise and you have the recipe for obesity. Who wouldn't be fat with a husband working evenings?

I mean, really, I don't even stand a chance. The least Bil's company could do is pay for Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers for me. Don't you think?

I know there may be a few holes in my theory, like the fact that I was already fat before the company switched Bil's hours. But surely, no one could argue that the shift change is keeping me from losing the weight. That has to be worth a mil or so, doesn't it?

Certainly my case couldn't be any weaker than the guy who burnt his crotch on hot McDonald's coffee, could it? Surely not.

3 comments:

Amy Jane said...

Oh, Patty, you're hilarious as always, but I can see the pain beneath the humor. Please don't be too hard on yourself - for one thing, you're NOT fat, and for another thing, this is a very stressful time for you, and no one could possibly expect you to be "perfect"! As for not wanting to cook healthy dinners without Bil there, I urge you to make friends with Lean Cuisine. There are some extremely yummy varieties, and nothing could be easier! I know you're not really into convenience food, but desperate times...

Tell me, my friend, if I were to call you during the week, when would be the best time(s) of the day to do so?

HeatherPride said...

I feel ya. My husband has worked so much this summer and I'm so unmotivated to make a real dinner. My poor kids have been living off Happy Meals and mac and cheese all summer. Oh, and hot dogs. Do I get extra credit for at least buying the lean hot dogs?

No?

Jane said...

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