My brother called last week to get suggestions from me for my birthday present. Apparently, the present he wanted to get me--a "Dwight Schrute is My Sensei" t-shirt--didn't come in my size, which is too bad, because I sure would have loved that. Typically, around this time of year, I have a couple of gift ideas in my head; with having a birthday so close to Christmas, I often have family members asking me for suggestions, so it is best to be prepared. This time, however, my mind was a complete blank (which is happening more and more lately). I had such a hard time coming up with a gift that my brother could get me. Now, that is not to say that I don't have some Christmas wishes. I do. Many. They just happen to be gifts that no one is willing or able to get me. Here is a partial list:
**I would love a guarantee that within 3 months of giving birth to this child I am carrying that I will be down to a siz 10. OK, yes, I know that I was not a size 10 when I got pregnant, but this is the season of miracles, right? So, why not dream big (or I guess I should say "small.")?
**I want my kids to do every single thing I ask them to do as soon as I ask them for a whole day. No arguments or pouting. No, I want them to answer each of my requests with an enthusiastic, "Sure, mom. I would love to! Is there anything else I can do for you?"
**If my kids developed a new love for vegetables, it would be a dream come true. They wouldn't even have to love all veggies, just a few of the typical ones, like beans and carrots or corn. It doesn't matter, as long as they get vegetables from a source other than ketchup, I would be happy.
**A housecleaner who would come twice a month and who would also declutter and reorganize my entire house. And if I can get really greedy, I would love my house to actually stay clean longer than 10 minutes.
**I would like an entire day all to myself with no one at all to worry about or feed or clean up after. I am not entirely sure what I would do with myself, but I know it would include sleeping in, using the bathroom uninterrupted, reading, relaxing, meeting a friend for a movie, and not doing ANY cooking or cleaning or wiping of any small behinds.
**Speaking of friends, I want one of my close friends to come and live in my town. Or even if one of them could move within a few hours, that would be great. I have friends here, but I so miss the really close friends I have who I have really shared life experiences with--it seems to take so long now to develop those types of relationships...
**This might give me a heart attack, but I want to have my kids and husband put all their dirty clothes in the hamper all the time. No more picking up stray socks and pants in the living room, bathroom, kitchen, etc. And if they could put away their clean clothes instead of just throwing them around the room, that would just be an added bonus.
**I want Charlotte to resume her nap schedule. I need those naps in a serious way. Why do my kids always quit taking their naps right before I am about to give birth and subsequently be incredibly sleep-deprived? Just one more sign that my kids are conspiring to drive me insane.
**I know this is asking a lot, but I would love to be able to perform grooming tasks, like clipping nails, cutting hair, washing hair, combing hair on my children without them screaming like I have poured boiling oil down their backs. As if the neighbors need any more encouragement to report me to DCFS!
But here is the thing I want most, more than anything: (well, besides world peace and an end to the atrocities in the Congo, among other things) that someone come and completely potty train my two angels quickly. Seriously, this would be the best Christmas or birthday present ever. Please? Anyone?
What about you? What's on your list?